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An Exercise in Control

Sarah Conley — Mon, 16 Jan 2012 17:58:40 EST

Over the past month, I've struggled a lot with the balance of my time between professional and personal. At the end of the work day, I'm exhausted and by Friday, I can't seem to stay awake past 8pm. On weekends, I've been staying in, sleeping and generally hiding away from the world just to re-up for the week ahead. Sometimes, even the most normal of activities seems to take so much out of me.

They say that transitioning into a new full time job can be quite taxing, but if you're reading this (and bless you if you are), you'll notice that my updates are becoming less and less frequent. It's certainly not for a lack of desire or content. I simply can't muster the energy to write a post most days, and frankly it's breaking my heart. Over this three day weekend, I've thought about my time, how to reclaim it and who to share it with. After a very relaxing lunch with friends, I came to an epiphany - I struggle with control.

Perhaps that element of control is what draws me to fashion and beauty, since it allows me to control how I am perceived and to an extent, how I perceive myself. If there was ever an opportunity for me to reclaim control over my time and all the other aspects of my life that are slipping out of reach, it is certainly now.

For months, I've neglected my friends, my site and most importantly my personal goals in an attempt to be everywhere and everything to everyone. The more I think about who I want to be and where I see myself in the future, the more I realize that I don't need to be super girl or an over-achiever. I just simply need to be myself.

Sometimes it's easy to get the wool pulled over your eyes online. So-and-so has more money than I do, a better job, a better wardrobe or is a harder worker than I am. We're consuming perfectly polished content while sitting at home in our underwear eating fried chicken and feeling sorry for ourselves. What may have started as a platform for personal expression has now evolved into an ego driven, all consuming space where people (politely) make demands and believe that they know every aspect of your life. In the end, you can end up giving everything away and leaving nothing left for yourself.

After all this thinking, I have decided to embark on a personal journey. I want to provide my body with the fuel it needs to sustain demanding work days and have the opportunity to catch up with the relationships I've neglected. I want to explore paths to achieve my personal and professional goals without the constant feeling that I owe someone something. Most of all, I just want a little room to breathe.

I'd love to know if any of you have felt this way and how you've reclaimed control of the things that are most important to you. Please leave your thoughts in the comments below.

And Now For A Little Fun: Lola's The Barkista Of The Month!

Sarah Conley — Thu, 08 Sep 2011 13:03:28 EDT

If you have't heard seen me proclaim my love for my pup on Twitter (almost obsessively and for that, I'm sorry), you're probably not following me. My lovable mutt, Lola Belle, has been featured as Barkzilla's Barkista of the Month for September. Considering that September is fashion's most important month, I'm pretty thrilled.

Check out the feature on Barkzilla and consider submitting your own lovable fur ball as Barkista of the Month. Besides, who doesn't love to think about that adorable face wearing her beloved Isaac Mizrahi for Target trench coat?

xoxo

Photo Post: SoHo Stroll 6/27

Sarah Conley — Wed, 29 Jun 2011 15:25:36 EDT

On The Plus Side: In Defense of GabiFresh (or) Why The Plus Size Community Needs To Wake Up

Sarah Conley — Tue, 21 Jun 2011 22:58:53 EDT

While on the way home from tonight's Fashion 2.0 event, I saw a post in my Twitter timeline that chilled me to the core. Gabi, of (formerly) Young, Fat and Fabulous, has come under fire from the plus size community for....being an individual. Allow me to elaborate.

The plus size blogging community doesn't operate in the same way that other blogging communities that I'm a member of operate (ie, fashion, beauty, tech). While honestly I haven't attended as many plus size events as I have mainstream fashion and beauty events, I must admit that I have never felt the same level of respect, warmth and inclusion from the plus size community as I have from the others. Don't get me wrong, there are some perfectly wonderful plus bloggers, some of whom I am privileged enough to call friends, however there is a group that might as well be sitting at The Plastics table on the set of Mean Girls.

In theory, we've all created these little homes for ourselves on the internet, where we invite our readers in for tea, cookies and a bit of our daily lives. While many of us started blogging for the sake of sharing or as a creative outlet, for many of us blogging has become a business. Naturally, within every business field there's bound to be competition, however I've always said that online, we're not really competing with one another, we're competing against ourselves and in most cases, this holds true. Except, in my experience, within the plus size community.

It's not all the community's fault. We've struggled for so long within society to be accepted and that desire for acceptance has naturally extended online. When plus brands realized the power of our thousands, nay millions, of collective readers, they obviously wanted to capitalize on the opportunities to reach new customers. Who can blame them?

The problem (and precisely what Gabi is being faulted for) is that not every brand is worthy of a mention. Not every event is worthy of attending. It is our job - actually our responsibility - to be the editor in which so many of us claim to be. To see as many lines as we can, to experience everything we can experience for our readers so they don't have to. At some point, however, you have to apply the law of diminishing returns. When events/brands/etc have consistently underperformed or failed to meet your expectations, it's time to consider putting your energy into finding what's next.

What has become acceptible in the communty, not only from other bloggers but also brands, is that we've become so hungry for that acceptance and to receive and achieve the opportunities of mainstream fashion, that we've forgotten to uphold standards and principles along the way. There are those within the communtiy that repost every press release they receive. Attend or promote any event with the words "plus size" or "fatshion" attached. How do I know? Because my inbox is filled daily with the same information, 99% of which I deem not worthy of my time or yours.

Every blogger has a style, however I encourage every one of my peers, not just those within the plus community, to examine the possible repercussions of your actions. What are you saying to brands by republishing their press releases? What are you saying to brands when you enter a competition to be selected to attend a blogging conference? What are you saying to brands by competing against your colleagues for a $600 bejeweled bra and asking what it is that you can do to help that brand?

These actions allow these brands, pr agencies and even our readers to believe that we deserve less than. That every garment/designer/event/thought/outfit is worthy of sharing? That, because we're so desperate to be accepted or generate advertising revenue, we'll become a mouthpiece for every campagin/giveaway/marketing stunt that has ever been dreamt? Set a new standard. Believe that we all deserve better. And, for all that is good and created by Chanel, have an opinion.

You Survived The Rapture: Now What?

Sarah Conley — Sun, 22 May 2011 12:42:38 EDT

Whether you had a sense of humor about the world ending or there was a little voice in the back of mind, questioning what may or may not happen, we're all still here. So now what? Here are three ways to take your (renewed) life into your own hands and take advantage of the fact that we're still here.

1: Take better care of yourself.

"Taking better care of yourself" is a pretty broad sweeping statement. For some it may mean actually washing your face before you go to bed at night (of that I'm most certainly guilty) but for others, it could mean rethinking the foods that you put into your body. Be kinder to yourself, be gentler on yourself and by all means - cut yourself some slack. Feeling blue? Acknowledge it, but don't let it ruin your day. Face the hard stuff head on, make the tough choices and accept the next challenge. And for the love of all, don't forget the sunscreen.

2: Free your mind.

We can get so bogged down in the drama that sometimes we forget that at the end of the day, it's all really meaningless. Take some time to be still and really listen to yourself (and your body). It may sound cooky, but you already have all of the answers you need (and will ever need). None of the drama, hypocrasy, silliness and sadness actually matter. Not to get all Eat, Pray, Love on you, but take the time to marvel at something. There are so many things in the world that we'll never know about - leave the comfort of your bed to discover just one of them.

3: Go have fun.

If you feel the need to recreate Beyonce's Run The World dance moves alone in your apartment, by all means, feel free. If you want to rock purple lipstick to your best friend's birthday, knock yourself out. If watching Carrie Bradshaw learn to let go on the trapeze was inspiring, then go have a circus moment of your own. The point? If this faux rapture has taught us anything, it's that we only live once and we never know when the end is coming. So make ever minute count.

Style Chat: Finances & The Fashion Blogger

Sarah Conley — Sun, 08 May 2011 14:03:18 EDT

While paying close attention to my Twitter stream, as I am known to do on the weekends, I noticed my pal Ashe from Dramatis Personae tweeting that she's been receiving a few hater comments over a recent post. What could spark someone to say that she's a "vain and vapid bitch"? The topic of money, of course.

She shared what luxuries she refuses to give up to save money. Let's face it - there's a long list of things that we've become accustomed to and there's a shorter list of things that we aren't that particular about at all. Naturally, it took a website like Consumerist to light Ashe's post on fire and introduce a whole new audience who may not understand where she's coming from.

Talking about finances, especially when it comes to fashion bloggers, has always been a hotly discussed topic (even by Ashe herself). How is a working girl supposed to feel when there's an over-hyed blogger posing from the balcony of her parent's home with Central Park view while wearing Louboutins and Chanel? Every industry has certain levels of expectations and an understood dress code, but it can be an especially frustrating journey to blaze your own path and dress (relatively) within your means.

Every day, our inboxes are filled to the brim with some hot new product or a great trend. Sometimes, these products make their way to our homes and fill our designated product shelves. Often we're exposed to experts who are leaders in their fields and dazzle us with their vast knowledge - and of course, accompanying products and services. Sometimes, it all seems so essential. Other times, there is nothing more that I want to do than throw the 18 various brands of skincare products on my shelves out and start anew.

Over the past five years of being exposed to some of the best that the fashion and beauty industry has to offer, I am naturally inclined to want to upgrade my life. "Upgrade" is a relative term, because it's really all about what you've been exposed to and what you perceive to be the best. For me, the ultimate handbag is a black jumbo classic quited Chanel that will cost me $4,000. Have I purchased it yet? No, but don't think for a moment that I wouldn't, given the chance.

As much as at home hair color might work for some (and has for me, many years ago), there's something about DIY-ing my hair that feels very wrong. I just can't bring myself to use it. DIY manis? I'm all over it. Ask me to give myself a pedicure and I'll fully acknowledge that I'm completely incapable. I love a good time as much as the next gal, but with the overabundance of free-flowing alcohol in my life, it always burns when I have to pay for my own cocktail. Do I care what kind of whiskey is in my glass? Not in the least. However I certainly have my own opinion as to which body wash, hairspray and lipstick I would use exclusively if trying them all wasn't my job.

So many industry cultures put a heavy emphasis on the type of watch that one wears. For me, my Swatch excites me (especially the Jeremy Scott style). Like with everything in life, what you choose to spend your money on is greatly influenced by the people that you surround yourself with and the environment in which you spend the majority of your time. Do I hate on Daphne Guinness for her baby blue Birkin and her massive McQueen archive? Absolutely not, but I won't deny that I'd like to be her for just one day.

Being a fashion blogger can sometimes be like putting your bank account on display. A physical manifestation of your priorities, your weaknesses and your flaws are on display for all to see. While it may seem shallow to some (especially the commenters on the Consumerist post), it can also be a deeply personal experience - and one that I wouldn't trade for anything.

Has reading fashion blogs influenced your purchasing decisions? Or perhaps your coworkers, close friends or family? Have any of them judged you for your love of expensive footwear or designer handbags? I'd love to hear about how the luxuries that you refuse to give up may or may not have received judgement from your friends, family, coworkers or even possibly readers.

Currently Coveting: Birthday Wishes, Caviar Dreams

Sarah Conley — Sun, 08 May 2011 10:00:00 EDT

It never fails - each year on my birthday, my mom is completely clueless as to what to get me. Don't get me wrong - her presence is present enough - but there's always some big drama about how she doesn't know exactly what to get. Generally, she over thinks every single aspect of the potential present. I find this oddly hilarious, especially considering that for the majority of my life, it was just she and I (all the time).

Of course, it's also hilarious since I live nearly every aspect of my life online and am effusive about the styles that I love. Heck, my mom's even on Twitter! Where the disconnect is, I'll never know. So, this year to avoid any confusion, I've decided to make my mother (and anyone else who might be interested procuring the perfect present for my 28th birthday (June 3rd, mark your calendar), here's a shortlist of products that I'm currently coveting, beginning clockwise from top left.

Hayden-Harnett Beautiful Dead Scarf, $78

When it comes to skulls, pirates and Halloween, I get pretty sentimental. My college best friend instilled in me a deep love for all three (or any combination thereof), so naturally I've fallen completely head over heels for this piece from Hayden-Harnett's Pirates of the Caribbean collection.

Tom Ford's Neroli Portofino, $35 - $465

Honestly, anything Tom Ford is a slam dunk. The man can do no wrong (I'm sure even if he tried). From the cat eye sunnies that I refuse to stop wearing, to Black Orchid, I prefer to live my life covered in Tom Ford. Naturally, a summer fragrance is exactly what I need to round out my collection.

Anything and everything from Colette Malouf

Colette Malouf is one of the most genius women that I've had the pleasure of meeting. She creates stunning hair accessories out of seemingly delicate materials that are manage to combine the rare quality of statement pieces and making the woman wearing the piece seem intrinsically more beautiful. If you aren't familiar with her line, get acquainted and start collecting.

Dolce & Gabbana Red Leopard Sunglasses, $260

To be fair, I need another pair of sunglasses like I need a hole in the head, however if I did, they'd be these stunners by Dolce & Gabbana. In fact, I feel pretty confident that in the coming years, I'll still remember this particular pair of sunglasses (and the accompanying Naomi Campbell advertisements). Sometimes, the heart wants what the heart wants.

Guerlain L'Instant, $73 - $118

Through the years, Guerlain's L'Instant has been the one fragrance that has remained on my "must" list. Every time I go into a Sephora, I inevitably end up spritzing it on or taking home a sample, but I've never purchased a bottle to take home. It's a perfect scent for spring and the early days of summer, with notes of citrus, honey and my personal favorite, amber. Divine.

Neroli Pyramid Stud Earrings, $62

As my friend Dina likes to say (about herself), I've become a cliche. In the foreseeable future, I don't really anticipate a time where I won't love pyramid studs. To me, there's no better pyramid stud-loving brand than Noir, so these earrings are a natural fit, not to mention the fact that they take my love and multiply it. Perfect.

Are there any other Geminis out there? If so, what's on your birthday wish list?

Reflecting On 2010 & Ready For 2011

Sarah Conley — Fri, 31 Dec 2010 20:01:35 EST

Wow - 2010 has been a crazy, fun-filled roller coaster ride. Looking back, I've received more blessings than I could have imagined and I learned lessons beyond compare. I played in the ocean, watched supermodels in their natural habitat, shared an elevator with an icon, got Gaga'd for my birthday, did the makeup for a designer's lookbook, received my first facial (really!), sailed around Manhattan with shirtless male models (again, really!), shared way too much, hosted my first event at Fashion's Night Out, had a major fashion orgasm, was a panelist on BlogHer's first fashion panel and was blessed to be in the holiday issue of Ladies' Home Journal.

In 2010 I excelled at my job & I left to work on Style IT full time. I made amazing friends and I lost more than I'd like to admit. I ran my mouth and I kept great secrets. I met celebrities, designers, icons and idols and I learned who they truly are. I loved myself and learned that not everyone accepts my size. I felt embraced by blogging community and ostracized by others. Style IT celebrated it's 4th birthday and I celebrated my 27th.

In 2011, I am committing to those who have stuck by me the most - that means YOU, whoever is reading this. In a strange way, you've been the most honest and the most loyal. You share feedback, both good and bad. You have been there when I was down and you've been there when I was up. I hope that most importantly, you'll join me in 2011. I have special plans for you!

I can't thank you enough for joining me on this crazy journey - and I hope that I've given you half of all that you've given me.

Here's to peace, love & style in 2011!

xoxo

On The Plus Side: Check Out This Month's Ladies' Home Journal!

Sarah Conley — Sat, 27 Nov 2010 14:13:57 EST

Honestly, I can't even believe that I'm typing this - this whole process has been a little surreal. If you happen to pick up the holiday issue of Ladies' Home Journal (Sela Ward, at left, is on the cover) you'll spot a familiar floating head on page 40.

For the issue, I was asked to pick a couple of my favorite holiday pieces from two brands that have always been incredibly supportive of me - Torrid & IGIGI. In addition to inside the magazine, you can find an expanded version of my holiday party essentials online.

From the issue: Torrid's Black Sequin Jacket & IGIGI's Sabina Gown

I'm so honored & blown away that Ladies' Home Journal thought to include me in their holiday issue - and it's all because of you (yes, YOU). Thank you so much for all your love and support (and even the haters). I couldn't have done it without you! xo

Fashion Week Essentials: What's In My Bag?

Sarah Conley — Tue, 21 Sep 2010 17:00:00 EDT

To be fair, Mercedes Benz Fashion Week should be called the "Mercedes Benz Fashion Marathon". For those trying to cover the shows, the days can be long, leaving little time for the two F's - food & fun. You partake in both when you can and the rest of the time, you just march on. When people ask me for a bit of advice about Fashion Week, I always say the same thing - "Dress like you're going to a fashion war." I probably should have added that you should pack your purse like you're going to a fashion war as well.

Earlier in the week I was toting the gorgeous Jacqueline Large Satchel from Christian Siriano's Payless collection. To put it simply, I was completely in love with my bag, until I looked down (in the pouring rain) and one of the straps had completely come apart. Making the most of a bad situation, I ran into the only reliable cluster of straight men at Lincoln Center - the lovely handymen who make the magic (aka the tents) happen and begged for black electric tape to hide my shame. Needless to say, my beloved (defective) bag had to be put to rest until it could be exchanged for a more... enthusiastic model. To complete the marathon, I chose the gorgeous black leather Gap tote you can (barely) see pictured above. For additional contents, start at the white Fuji camera and work clockwise:

FujiFilm Instax Mini 7 White Instant Camera

Mercedes Benz Fashion Week, MAC & Milk credentials

Leather Tassel Tote from Gap

House of Field tote from several Fashion Week's ago

Asus Karim Rashid Seashell Collection Eee PC (read my review here)

Invitation to The Blonds Spring 2011 show

MAC Lady Gaga Viva Glam cosmetics bag

Black lips coin purse (used to hold extra batteries and SD cards)

Flip Mino HD camera in Chrome

Canon PowerShot SX20IS Digital Camera

iPhone 3GS with a red Mophie Juice Pack Air

Marc by Marc Jacobs business card holder

Lena Erziak mini card case (used as a wallet)

EcoSystems pink notebook

L'Oreal Elnett hairspray (the real formula, imported from London)

Urban Decay's Vegan Palette

Photo by Lesley Forrester

Style IT's Spring 2011 New York Fashion Week coverage is proudly sponsored by Torrid: