Over the past month, I've struggled a lot with the balance of my time between professional and personal. At the end of the work day, I'm exhausted and by Friday, I can't seem to stay awake past 8pm. On weekends, I've been staying in, sleeping and generally hiding away from the world just to re-up for the week ahead. Sometimes, even the most normal of activities seems to take so much out of me.
They say that transitioning into a new full time job can be quite taxing, but if you're reading this (and bless you if you are), you'll notice that my updates are becoming less and less frequent. It's certainly not for a lack of desire or content. I simply can't muster the energy to write a post most days, and frankly it's breaking my heart. Over this three day weekend, I've thought about my time, how to reclaim it and who to share it with. After a very relaxing lunch with friends, I came to an epiphany - I struggle with control.
Perhaps that element of control is what draws me to fashion and beauty, since it allows me to control how I am perceived and to an extent, how I perceive myself. If there was ever an opportunity for me to reclaim control over my time and all the other aspects of my life that are slipping out of reach, it is certainly now.
For months, I've neglected my friends, my site and most importantly my personal goals in an attempt to be everywhere and everything to everyone. The more I think about who I want to be and where I see myself in the future, the more I realize that I don't need to be super girl or an over-achiever. I just simply need to be myself.
Sometimes it's easy to get the wool pulled over your eyes online. So-and-so has more money than I do, a better job, a better wardrobe or is a harder worker than I am. We're consuming perfectly polished content while sitting at home in our underwear eating fried chicken and feeling sorry for ourselves. What may have started as a platform for personal expression has now evolved into an ego driven, all consuming space where people (politely) make demands and believe that they know every aspect of your life. In the end, you can end up giving everything away and leaving nothing left for yourself.
After all this thinking, I have decided to embark on a personal journey. I want to provide my body with the fuel it needs to sustain demanding work days and have the opportunity to catch up with the relationships I've neglected. I want to explore paths to achieve my personal and professional goals without the constant feeling that I owe someone something. Most of all, I just want a little room to breathe.
I'd love to know if any of you have felt this way and how you've reclaimed control of the things that are most important to you. Please leave your thoughts in the comments below.
xo
